As I read this week's portion I find it interesting how I sometimes criticize Israel and at other times I sympathize with them. As a flawed human being with human emotions I sometimes struggle with life's curve balls. I find myself at times having difficulty with what to write or what to share on these blogs. Why? Because I'm just another person. Anyone who has been put in a leadership position or put into the spotlight for a long enough time will know exactly what I mean. We are expected to behave perfectly or to have a word of wisdom or encouragement at all times, and I regret to inform you that I too make mistakes and feel discouraged sometimes. As Yeshua so perfectly stated:
"'Why do you call me good?' Jesus answered. 'No one is good—except God alone.'" Mark 10:18 (*Note: He was referring to Himself here, but that is a different topic for a different day).
Only Adonai is perfect. I have noted, however, how easy it is to judge others. I don't know if this has ever happened to you, but when you read some of the things the Israelites did after leaving Egypt, I found myself thinking, "These people are idiots. How could they ask to go back to slavery after being set free by the Almighty?" This week as I read this portion, BeShaLach בְּשַׁלַּח (When He Sent), I didn't have these harsh thoughts. I instead sympathized with them. I've been dealing with some pretty serious health issues the past year. Optimistic as I may be, I've noticed a decline in my health over time. I've been feeling the symptoms more often and with every incident I feel less motivated and less enthusiastic about the next day. As I face this issue I continue to try and stay positive and believe with all my heart that the cure is just around the corner (or solution. I know He can cure me, but I also know He may use doctors or medicine to do the same. I'm ok with that as well.) Instead, I have been getting migraine headaches more often or feeling debilitating symptoms that make it impossible to do anything else but lay in bed and hope it goes away soon. So when I read statements like these:
"They said to Moses, 'Is it because there are no graves in Egypt that you have taken us away to die in the wilderness? What have you done to us in bringing us out of Egypt? Is not this what we said to you in Egypt: ‘Leave us alone that we may serve the Egyptians’? For it would have been better for us to serve the Egyptians than to die in the wilderness.'" Exodus 14:11-12
I didn't judge them as I usually would, but instead, I felt pity and compassion for them. Not because I regret being saved or devoting my life to Adonai, but because I too felt myself longing for better days. I understood that as human beings, when we are pressed against the wall with a problem that seems impossible to resolve we long for the days of safety or find someone else to blame for our troubles. As I read on, I noticed a pattern. A pattern that once again brought comfort to my heart and that I feel glad to share with you. Maybe today you too are facing a "herculean" problem. Maybe you are stuck between Pharaoh's army and the Red Sea. What I noticed in this portion is that Adonai knows we are frail and knows our humanity, but chooses to deliver us again and again.
We don't have to be perfect before Adonai. He knows us better than we know ourselves and still chose to die for us (see Romans 5:8). He still chooses to deliver us and will continue to do so as long as we follow that pillar in the wilderness. That is our only duty in this pilgrimage. To follow that pillar.
"And the LORD went before them by day in a pillar of cloud to lead them along the way, and by night in a pillar of fire to give them light, that they might travel by day and by night. The pillar of cloud by day and the pillar of fire by night did not depart from before the people." Exodus 13:21-22
AI generated image obtained by Google search.
When I write this blog, when I do my Bible studies on the YouTube channel, when I attend church, I have to put on a smile and transmit to my "audience" that everything is great. Though most of the time this is true, I have days that I'm feeling discouraged on the inside. Not because I want to paint this image that I'm super-human, but it is because I want to transmit faith to all of you. The purpose of this blog and everything else I do is to honor Adonai and help you, my fellow brother or sister, to walk in this wilderness with dignity and in victory. But the most beautiful message I can tell you today is that our Abba loves us no matter what. He loves you and when you approach Him you can be genuine. You can come before Him with an open heart and He will embrace you and help you. It took me years to learn the nuances of two things and how they are written in the Scriptures. The first one are these verses in the Tanak that state verses in two ways, like this example:
"But now, this is what the Lord says— he who created you, Jacob, he who formed you, Israel: 'Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine.'" Isaiah 43:1
They are found in many places and different books of the Old Testament. Why would Adonai say the same thing twice? Knowing that Jacob and Israel are the same person, it never made sense to me. Then one day it dawned on me. God is proclaiming that He loves us unconditionally. Jacob represents the "old man" or our "old and sinful nature". Israel represents the "new man" or our "born-again nature". If any of us is completely honest we fluctuate between the two. Somedays I face my troubles with unbelievable faith and I walk with my head held high and feel as if nothing can stop me because the Almighty is with me. Then there are days I am filled with doubt and fear and I feel as if the troubles will swallow me whole. As my journey moves forward and I have more knowledge and experiences with Adonai I see Jacob less and less, but he is there lurking inside me. But the good news is not that. The good news is that Adonai says, 'Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine.' That is despite me behaving like Jacob or Israel. His love is constant.
The second mystery I have come to learn that enforces this teaching is the word for face in Hebrew. The word that means face in Hebrew is Panim פָּנִים. This is one of those words that does not have a singular form. The word "face" actually does not exist in Hebrew, because the proper translation of Panim is "faces." The verse that I want to talk about that unveils this beautiful mystery is this one:
"The Lord would speak to Moses face to face, as one speaks to a friend." Exodus 33:11a
In Hebrew this verse would be literally translated as "YHVH would speak to Moses faces to faces, as one speaks with a friend." Faces to faces just sounds odd, but it is done intentionally. Because no human being has only one face. We have a happy face. We have a sad face. We have an angry face. This verse is telling us that Moses spoke with Adonai without hiding his real feelings. When he was angry he would come before Adonai angry and spoke with sincerity (of course Moses still respected Adonai). Their relationship was casual as you would when speaking with your best friend. Remember when I began this entry by saying that I put on a smile when facing my "audience" as to convey a message of hope and encouragement? Well, we all have that one special friend who knows us intimately and can spot a fake smile from a mile. That special person who sees your smile, but then pulls you aside and says, "Van, what is wrong? I can tell something is bothering you. Your fake smile doesn't fool me." That one friend you can be completely vulnerable with and be yourself and you know that person won't judge you, but instead will help and encourage you. If you are lucky enough to have a friend like that, then you are blessed, but if you don't have that friend, know that God can be that friend to you. He wants to be that friend to you. Better yet, He knows you better than you know yourself, so you can come to him with a vulnerable heart. You can tell Him that you are sad or angry or disappointed. He knows all your faces and loves all of them.
So this is my message this week. I'm being vulnerable before you with the hope that you will be vulnerable with our Father. No matter what's happening with you today, pour you heart out before Adonai and keep following that pillar. Don't lose sight of the end game. This life and all its troubles will pass away, but His kingdom is forever. I humbly continue to ask for your prayers and wish you all a blessed week. Shavuah Tov Ve'Shalom! I love you all.
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